Who I think I am.

Okay, so here we go, my first blog post. I figure i'll start with the basics. My name is Heather Moss. I'm 20 years old, and my birthday is in March. I'm a die-hard Aries to a T. Outgoing, loud, confident, fun-loving, and proactive. Well, most days.

My dad grew up jewish, and as such has developed those typical jewish qualities. I'm a spitting image of my father. I can't think before i speak. My filter has HUGE holes. I think everyone can handle criticism, and i'm full of it. I like being the boss, and that is very apparent in how i act. I've got too much personality. Usually too much for other people to handle, which is why most people only pretend to like me. Which is fine, because the friends i do have are the most real and wonderful friends on the entire planet.

I spend my life working, going to school, and hanging out with my best friend, Lyndzie. Also, i do a lot of church stuff. You see, i'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, more commonly known as mormons. Yes, i'm a mormon. And i love it.

I like to think i'm kind, thoughtful, and helpful, but if i'm being honest... I'm probably not any of those things...

I feel a million emotions at once, and i can identify every single one of them. I've struggled with depression for a long time. My therapist used to tell me my heart is too big.

I fight a battle inside my heart every minute of every day. I constantly have to tell myself i'm okay. I have to remind myself i'm special, even when i don't always believe it. However, when i don't believe the good things i force my brain to think about myself, i have wonderful people in my life who will do anything in their power to remind me and show me. I'll tell you about them at a later date.

I love writing. I have no clue why i waited so long to join this blogging phenomena. Writing helps me feel better. I like to know i can write down everything i'm feeling. And share it with others if i choose. Like this.

So here are the things i like about myself (now that the crazy serious stuff is over): I smile a lot, i think i'm pretty, I'm tall and skinny, i have an in-your-face personality that i can't change, and i am very protective of the people i love.

Here are the things i'm not too fond of: I'm horribly impatient, i'm insecure, i wear my emotions on my sleeves, i cry a lot, and i get hurt too easily.

I spend my days thinking about people. I love people. I love being around other people. I'm terrified of being alone. I can't sleep without noise. I sleep holding onto something (small pillow, stuffed animal, etc.). My dreams are incredibly vivid. I have nightmares a lot. I always read my scriptures before i go to sleep. I always pray too. I feel empty if i don't.

I like to play Nazi Zombies when i have down-time. I also love to read and watch movies. I spend way too much time watching TV. Criminal Minds is my favorite show ever! I also watch Project Runway, ANTM, Pretty Little Liars, Glee, Cake Boss (and any other cake decorating shows), and a million more.

I've found a new obsession. I spend long periods of time on lds.org reading old conference talks and looking things up.

I am a firm believer in light. No matter how much darkness there is, light will always scare it away. Because light and dark cannot dwell together. Sometimes, you have to walk a long time without a light... But it's there. At the end. It'll be there. Waiting for you.

I spend a lot of time going through life thinking to myself, "Okay, i'm almost there, i'm almost happy. It's JUST over this hill. Oh, maybe not... Okay, THIS HILL. Oh rats, wrong again. Okay, THIS HILL FOR SURE!" Obviously, it isn't going to happen that way. I'm not just going to run into happiness. It's not going to be a location. I have no doubt that i'm capable of attaining it some day, but that won't be here. I'll come close sometimes, and it'll be taken from me sometimes, but that's just how mortal life goes. Now i can strive for it, though. I can take steps every day to remind myself that it's very possible to feel happy. Easy even.

I'm grateful for the people in my life that help me remember to smile every day. The people that make my life special and give it meaning. The people who help me breathe. They, along with the gospel i've been blessed with, help me exist. They give me strength.

I guess, that's all for now. I think you've probably heard QUITE enough. This turned into a very odd post. I'm not sure what to even think about it. But there it is.